It’s a Sunday and I’m in the lab. As always when I’m meant to be working (in this case, on a draft of my project report), my mind turns to the great questions of our existence.
Thankfully, or frighteningly depending on how you look at it, Neil was on hand to join my musings.
Matt: say you have superpowers yet you’re not the typical tragic-past-driven-by-revenge kind of comicbook superhero. Are you actually morally obliged to use your powers for good, or is it morally acceptable to just do nothing with them and have some other regular job? That is my question for you. Neil: hmm Neil: It’s acceptable to do nothing.. so long as you use your powers to get chicks without them knowing that it’s your powers Neil: things like going to the shops extra fast to get them stuff Neil: they’ll think you ran Neil: when really you flew Matt: like superman flew to china to get some really good chinese food for lois that time Neil: yup, exactly. Neil: they’ll think you care Neil: when really you’re using your x-ray vision to scope boobies Matt: I do see what you mean. Matt: what if your powers don’t give you cool abilities like flying and x-ray vision though? Neil: what kind of powers are they then? Neil: if you’re at liberty to divulge Matt: I’m just thinking of the less spectacular powers which are nevertheless super, like invulnerability to conventional weapons. Matt: hard to use that to impress chicks without giving the game away Matt: I want to state at this point that I’m in a very secure and loving relationship, and I’m thus not out to impress chicks anyway. This is a hypothetical exercise. Matt: invisibility would have so many uses though Neil: indeed Neil: I would say it’s morally acceptable to have a regular job and do nothing. A man has the right to choose. Matt: I’d agree Matt: presumably you’re morally obliged to not use your powers for evil though Neil: yes… if you’re not going to use them for good you shouldn’t use them at all Neil: but no doubt something would happen in your life and you’d have to unveil your power Neil: some kind of hostage situation with a loved one perhaps Matt: yeah I hate that Matt: the universe itself wants you to use your powers and be a goddamn legend Matt: albeit usually by sacrificing your personal life Matt: that’s the big question right there. Matt: go for the glory and be a true legend, saving folks all over the place yet being lonely because of the danger your abilities would bring to your loved ones, or just being a regular dude, with a family etc but never being able to reveal your core abilities. It’s a tough one. Neil: yeah Neil: a choice I’m dreading having to make. Matt: I know you’ve been putting it off Neil: actually if I had to decide right now I’d go for the life of a legend Matt: well yeah but you’re single right now Neil: I’m sure there’d be a bit of wenching possible Matt: you know you’d save some girl at some point and it’d go from there Neil: I’d save a girl Neil: her top would get a little ripped in the process Neil: she’d faint Neil: I’d have to fly/run very fast and take her back to my flat Neil: lay her down on the silk sheets Neil: open the large balcony window which has lace drapes Neil: there’d be a huge moon out Neil: the breeze would gently blow the drapes Neil: she’d awake to find me sitting on the bed, perhaps wiping her brow with a damp cloth Neil: she’d say “What? Why? How?” Neil: I’d say “I have superpowers” Neil: she’d say “Make love to me, Neil… Super Neil” Neil: I could go on. Matt: please don’t Matt: this is why superheroes should be licensed Neil: there are girls in this world whose sole purpose is to be wenched by heroes though Matt: example? Neil: I won’t name names… but the beautiful yet not very intelligent ones who keep getting themselves into peril. Neil: According to Hollywood they exist Neil: and that’s good enough for me. Matt: it would stand up in a court of law anyway Neil: hmm Neil: Princess Leia’s an anomaly Neil: she’s a strong woman Neil: yet she needs rescued Neil: by Luke (our hero) Neil: and I guess Han Neil: although she does pretty much fall in love with Luke initially Neil: and Han Neil: so basically she’ll take anyone who rescues her Matt: I do see your point Neil: it’s not a particularly strong point Neil: but a point nonetheless Neil: reading up, that was quite a worrying rant by myself about laying a girl down on my silk sheets Neil: I’d like to point out that I wasn’t touching myself while typing that Matt: duly noted
Coming soon to a darkened rooftop near you: Super Neil. Ladies, be very, very afraid.