Matt Gemmell

My new book CHANGER is out now!

An action-adventure novel — book 1 in the KESTREL series.

★★★★★ — Amazon

Even Optimus gets depressed

University 2 min read

In which Neil and I tackle the age-old question: pretty French news presenter, or giant machines which are more than meets the eye?

Incidentally, if anyone can suggest a way to phonetically write the transforming noise so that I can use it regularly in MSN chats, I’d greatly appreciate it.

Matt:man I cannot WAIT to see this movie tonight
Matt:<TRANSFORMING NOISE>
Neil:do not make that noise in the cinema.
Matt:dude, I am making that noise all fucking evening
Neil:make sure to do it at the urinals
Neil:is it a bit odd having this as a desktop background?
Matt:yep
Matt:who is she?
Neil:Melissa Theuriau
Neil:french news presenter
Neil:she's scrumptious
Neil:there's a compilation video of her just reading out random bits of news that has 1.5 million views on YouTube
Neil:I have no idea what she's saying but mmmmmm
Matt:meh
Matt:she's alright
Matt:TRANSFORM AND ROLL OUT
Neil:Would you rather see Transformers or (assuming you were single) make love to Melissa Theuriau?
Matt:if I did one, would I have the chance to do the other thing later?
Neil:nope
Matt:and would I have to go to france?
Neil:no, she'd come to you
Matt:ok
Matt:well transformers then
Matt:I'm not missing that for a shag
Neil:yeah, fair point.
Neil:If you could see it, but you'd have to wait six months?
Matt:again, transformers
Matt:then have a wank
Neil:ok
Matt:and you?
Neil:I'd take the woman if it was six months... the film if never.
Matt:that's truly sad
Matt:robots in disguise before hoes
Neil:I'd still get the robots
Neil:and this is a very special hoe.
Matt:BEFORE
Neil:disagreed.
Matt:maybe I'd have a different opinion if I'd been single for a while
Matt:I just can't help but imagine Optimus Prime crying little tears of motor-oil
Matt:looking in the window at you and that french bird
Matt:it would be heart-wrenching
Matt:then he'd turn away and say to Jazz and Bumblebee and all, "Autobots... transform and roll out"
Matt:but his eyes would be glowing a slightly dimmer blue than usual, and you'd hear in his voice that his heart wasn't really in it anymore, Matrix of Leadership or not.
Matt:if Megatron or Starscream chose that day to launch an attack, it could be the difference between a victory and a horrible defeat
Matt:Prime could die, and it'd be your fault
Matt:and even worse
Matt:maybe Bumblebee would get the Matrix
Matt:I mean, Bumblebee Prime?
Matt:FOR FUCK'S SAKE
Matt:You really need to get a hold of yourself.
Neil:good rant.
Matt:thank you
Neil:almost bloggable
Matt:it had crossed my mind