Number 3,681 in a continuing series of Things Your Girlfriend Shouldn’t Have To Say To You.
So last night Lauren and I were discussing Animal Crossing, as you do, and in particular were talking about tree-planting. We’d got onto the topic from Lauren mentioning that she’d bought a spare shovel today and buried it, which within 24 hours would result in her being able to dig up the Golden Shovel, which can in turn be used to plant bells and grow a money tree (seemingly true, by the way). The conversation then moved on to our respective orchards, and such like.
I then thought for a moment, and reflected on how, if I put sufficient time and effort into it, I could plant trees all over town, even fencing-off certain areas or trapping people (such as the terrifying white cat creature who always wants me to draw it a new face). With these legions of trees at my command, I said, I would take on a new name, which I then suggested to her. This prompted the immortal (and, as always, long-suffering) response:
“Matt, I am not going out with someone who wants to be called Arboreus, Tree-Lord of Aceville.”
And I thought it had quite a ring to it.