Matt Gemmell

TOLL is available now!

An action-thriller novel — book 2 in the KESTREL series.

★★★★★ — Amazon

Big Brother

personal 1 min read

Vote them off? Let's just kill every motherfucking one of them.
I very briefly watched the intro to the new series of Big Brother 
last night, since it came on right after the last episode of Friends, 
which Fiona was of course watching. This is the first time I've ever 
watched BB for more than a transient moment whilst channel-hopping, 
though I'm of course aware of the premise and format of the show.

I managed to endure the bald, gay, squealing law student only with 
a supreme effort of will (lots of luck getting work in the legal 
profession, mate). Then the git in the hat. Then the buff dude in 
the tiger-print posing pouch. Then I had to leave the room before 
I destroyed the TV.

Look, let's face facts: these people are the worst kind of scum; the 
dregs of society. People of low intelligence and lacking any real values, 
willing to do literally anything for some pre-packaged fame and notoriety. 
Given the choice of being "famous" (in Britain) for having humiliated 
myself on Big Brother, or being shot in the balls, I'd be wearing 
boxer shorts with a fucking target on the front.

These people are a complete and utter waste of life, interesting 
only in the same way that the mangled wreckage of a motorway pile-up 
involving a school bus irresistibly draws the eye. So, let's at least 
get some social justice happening and vote to KILL one of them each week.

The variety could come from the method of death changing each time: maybe 
a poisonous snake or some scorpions left in their bed, or some acid in the 
shower's water-heater. Let's not forget the tried and tested hail of 
armour-piercing bullets, or perhaps just a thorough beating with a golf club. 

Channel 4, I personally guarantee I'd phone in to vote and I'd watch your 
nauseating moron-show each and every week, if only you would execute some 
of these cunts instead of celebrating their brain-addled capering and 
spurring them on to new lows of debasement and sub-humanity.

Remember, they're consuming valuable oxygen <em>even now</em>.