Matt Gemmell

TOLL is available now!

An action-thriller novel — book 2 in the KESTREL series.

★★★★★ — Amazon


general 1 min read

A long time ago (well, at least 2 years ago anyway), I wrote an article entitled 
"<a href="">How to be a Crimefighter</a>". 
The exact reason I wrote it escapes me at the moment, but it was likely primarily related to my 
rabid fandom of Disney's now-sadly-discontinued "Darkwing Duck" cartoon series.

The article was a semi-serious exploration of how well popular fiction's crimefighting myths fit 
into real life (i.e. not very). Periodically, I receive email regarding it, and it's usually of 
quite a disturbing nature. None more so than the most recent contribution.
we are nightwalkers.
i cannot tell you more than that we are crim fighters, looking for volunteers.

for more informations email back, or visit

just copy and paste the adress.
Incidentally, the subject-line was "we need help". Quite.

If anyone out there in blog-land happens to need a moderately unhinged gang of angsty teens in home-made 
costumes to come over (via public transport, I'd wager) and <em><strong>defend those less able to defend themselves</strong></em> 
in your area, I dare say you've hit the jackpot.

In the interests of saving a lot of typing, here's a belated set of important notes for those who arrive at this site 
and want to get in touch with me after having read the crimefighter article:
  1. I'm not a costumed crimefighter (I've retired, actually - the tights gave me a heat-rash).
  2. Thank you, but I don't wish to enlist your vigilante services at the moment. I'll keep your martial-arts arsenal inventory on file for six months, and contact you if my needs change.
  3. I don't wish to join your league of dark justice. I must refuse the free cape and mask.
  4. The Mattmobile is a Fiat Tipo 1.4 Formula, which gets quite sensible MPG. I declined the flamethrower option in favour of a sunroof.
  5. I'd really prefer not to receive the drippingly-florid yet semi-literate spine-tingling promotional blurb about your superhero group and/or alter-ego.
  6. I have no arch-nemesis, except perhaps that bastard with the Peugeot 307 who keeps taking my parking-space. Oh, and Doctor Destructo, of course, but we actually get on much better since he dedicated his time to landscape gardening.
  7. For the love of god, DON'T send me photos of you in your costume, nor even links to such photos.* I will call the police.

    * I will make an exception for particularly civically-minded female crimefighters.
Yes, all of those points address genuine emails I've received in the past regarding the 
article. The world is a funny place.