Matt Gemmell

TOLL is available now!

An action-thriller novel — book 2 in the KESTREL series.

★★★★★ — Amazon

Ruling reassessment

personal 2 min read

On my previous blog, I listed some of the reasons why I rule. I had occasion to review the list today, and found that a number of them sadly no longer apply. In order of their listing in the original post, the following points require some amendment:

This is no longer true; I’m currently pitifully single, with little hope of a change in that situation for the foreseeable future.

  • I'm dangerously attractive.

Whilst I’d still like to believe it, evidence in terms of the reactions of women is rather scarce.

  • I typically have about a 10:1 ratio of females:males represented in my phone's text message inbox.

Oh that it were still so. Currently probably a 50% split.

  • I am a legend with the ladies.

I’m not convinced this was ever true, never mind being true at the moment.

Not recently they don’t.

That one girl did. To say that women in general do so is an extravagant and baseless generalisation.

  • I have a Hot or Not double-match with Colleen McDermid.

Which has long since expired.

So there you have it; a slightly more realistic (and fairly depressing) reassessment. Perhaps my powers are weakening, at long last. Just today in the lab, I received a painful reminder of my comparatively vast age relative to the rest of the studentship folk (who range from 19 to 23, as compared to my venerable 25 years), courtesy of someone who shall remain nameless.

In my defence, though, I can offer three slightly more cheerful anecdotes. First, Stevie told me he’d had a dream last night in which I was a Bond-style supervillain figure, using a Power Mac hooked up to a large speaker to cause part of his brain to heat up and blood to spill from his ears, then telling him he would soon die (but naturally not before explaining my elaborate and diabolic scheme for world domination to him first). I find that pretty damn cool.

Secondly, I was off yesterday for various reasons, and when no-one had heard from me for a few hours, it was decided amongst the group that, if I had died in a car accident (as I surely will), then they would have The Mattness t-shirts made up to wear to my funeral. I was very touched, and only slightly creeped out.

Lastly, the techs were reinstalling Win XP on the lab machines this afternoon, so we’d gone upstairs to the 3rd year lab in order to get online. I booted into my Red Hat account for the first time in a month or so, and of course my Kill Ron Poet desktop appeared (Dr. Ron Poet being an academic and lecturer in the department), whilst Dr. Gary Gray and another of the techs were working on the machines directly behind me. I looked round to see them smirking away at my screen, and I managed to say “Yeah, you should probably ignore that.” Funny stuff.

All in all, a day of mixed feelings; some coreness, and a little more deflation. I do still rule, but perhaps the margin has indeed shrunk somewhat.