Matt Gemmell

TOLL is available now!

An action-thriller novel — book 2 in the KESTREL series.

★★★★★ — Amazon

Stopping spam

personal 1 min read

Periodically, we hear about a supposed software breakthrough which will end the daily deluge of 
unsolicited commercial email many of us receive. Occasionally, some of the innovations actually do 
a <a href="">pretty good job</a>.

Still, they're not perfect - mostly because spammers adapt, just like the Borg. What we need is an 
at-source solution to get rid of the scourge of spam; a course of action that not only immediately 
begins to reduce the amount of spam arriving in your inbox, but which also actually prevents spam 
from being sent in the first place.

Now, I know what you're thinking: "Not <em>another</em> brain-wank about 'micro-payments'"; but don't 
worry, that's not what I'm proposing. Rather, I'm advocating a solution as new and refreshing as it is 
tried-and-tested, effective and indeed ancient. We don't need another chasing-the-train technological 

What we need is <strong>extreme physical violence</strong>.
The concept is simple enough. Even spammers have acquaintances (astonishing though that may be). For 
every spam email you receive, there's someone out there who knows who sent it. That person is probably 
(1) annoyed at the spam they themselves receive each day, and (2) jealous at the money which often 
rolls in to said spammer. I'm asking those people to do a Good Thing, and let the internet community 
know the home addresses of their spamming acquaintances.

Now, one of the great things about the net is how, with relatively little effort, you can find someone 
from just about anywhere. Especially Australians; they get just about everywhere, and anyone who's seen 
Holly Valance or Natalie Imbruglia will agree that that's a good thing. Anyway, once a spammer's home 
address is known, it's not a difficult task to then find someone who lives nearby. My idea is to enlist 
these nearby netizens as "Email Enforcers".

Their job will be simple: just visit the relevant spammer, and cause grievous bodily harm. My own suggestion 
is two broken arms, complete with all ten fingers broken, but there's room for artistic interpretation and 
personal style. Be creative!

Such an action would send a very definite message regarding the net community's general feelings about spam, and 
would also provide significant encouragement to the visited spammers to abandon their distasteful and annoying activity. 
Better yet, it neatly removes the possibility for inevitable big-biz/govt corruption and endless stalling on 
anti-spam laws.

So, let's get to it. I'm in central Scotland, so if anyone can point me towards a confirmed spammer locally, 
I have my socket-wrench ever ready in the car. I expect the rest of you to make a similar commitment.

Here's to a junk-free inbox!