Matt Gemmell

TOLL is available now!

An action-thriller novel — book 2 in the KESTREL series.

★★★★★ — Amazon

The final insult

general 2 min read

You know you have popularity problems when not even the "Nigerian 419" scam-artists reply 
to your emails.
I recently received yet another of the so-called "<a href="">Nigerian 419</a>" scam emails, 
which looked like this:
REPLY TO : Good day, I am MR MARTINS EWA, head of the accounts/operations dept. of one of the leading merchant banks in Nigeria..I have an urgent and very confidential business proposition for you. On December 8, 1998, an American Oil consultant/contractor with the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation, Mrs.Ann Barbara Myers made a numbered time (Fixed) Deposit for twelve calendar months, valued at US$25,000,000.00(Twenty-five Million Dollars) in my branch.Upon maturity, I sent a routine notification to her forwarding address but got no reply.After a month,we sent a reminder and finally we discovered from her contract employers, the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation that Mrs.Ann Barbara Myers died from a ghastly automobile accident.On further investigation,I found out that she died without making a WILL, and all attempts to trace his next of kin was fruitless. I therefore made further investigation and discovered that Mrs.Ann Barbara Myers did not declare any next of kin or relations in all her official documents, including her Bank Deposit paperwork in my Bank. This sum of US$25,000,000.00 is still sitting in my Bank and the interest is being rolled over with the principal sum at the end of each year.No one will ever come forward to claim it.According to Nigerian Law, at the expiration of 5 (five) years, the money will revert to the ownership of the Nigerian Government if nobody applies to claim this fund. Consequently, my proposal is that I will like you as a foriegner to stand in as the next of kin to Mrs.Ann Barbara Myers so that the fruits of this woman's labor will not get into the hands of some corrupt government officials.This is simple, I will like you to provide immediately your full names and address so that the Attorney will prepare the necessary documents and affidavits which will put you in place as the next of kin. We shall employ the services of two Attorneys for drafting and notarization of the WILL and to obtain the necessary documents and letter of probate/administration in your favor for the transfer. We would need you as a Foreigner acting as the next of kin and sole benefactor to the inheritance of Mrs.Ann Barbara Myers to travel and claim this money in a SECURITY COMPANY based in Europe which is used by my bank as an offshore payment center to the bank.The money will be paid to you for us to share in the ratio of 60% for me and 40% for you. There is no risk at all as all the paperwork for this transaction will be done by the Attorney and my position as the Branch Manager guarantees the successful execution of this transaction. If you are interested, please reply immediately via the private email address below. Upon your response, I shall then provide you with more details and relevant documents that will help you understand the transaction. Please observe utmost confidentiality, and rest assured that this transaction would be most profitable for both of us because I shall require your assistance to invest my share in your country. Awaiting your urgent reply via my email: Thanks and regards. MR EMA J.M ATIKPA

Excited by this opportunity to leap on the bandwagon and eventually post my very own "how I tricked a Nigerian scam-artist" 
chain of emails, I replied to Mr. Atikpa (or is that Mr. Ewa?), saying how interested I was and requesting more information. 
Alas, I've had no response so far, and I sent my reply five days ago!

Could this be the ultimate test of one's online reputation? Come to think of it, I don't tend to get telesales calls either...