Matt Gemmell

TOLL is available now!

An action-thriller novel — book 2 in the KESTREL series.

★★★★★ — Amazon

Time Style

university 4 min read

I’ve been remiss in posting more instalments in the Neil chatlog saga, which continues every weekday. Here’s a choice excerpt from yesterday.

Matt:how was the funeral on friday?
Neil:aye, was OK... mum and sister were pretty upset but my father and I were our usual inappropriate selves
Matt:any Wedding Crashers style action?
Neil:heh nah.. one moderately hot second cousin there who I hadn't seen for about 10 years but a) I don't know if that's too close b) her father was sitting beside her and c) my father was sitting beside me
Matt:2nd cousin is fine I think
Matt:in the eyes of god and man
Neil:One of my friends was staying with his aunt and cousin in Australia for 3 months and nearly got kicked out for asking at the dinner table whether "It's OK to marry your cousin in Australia".
Neil:To be fair, his cousin is a slamming hottie.
Matt:normal enough question then
Neil:now that's a collection...
Neil:you'd never have time to play them all if you bought it though
Matt:you could MAKE TIME
Matt:I mean with a machine
Matt:perhaps called
Matt:The TimeFactory
Matt:and its time-destroying counterpart, the Timeinator
Neil:Timmy The TimeFactory
Matt:well you could name it whatever you wanted yeah
Neil:yeah cause if anyone argued with you you'd go back in time to the day of their conception and kick their dad in the nads
Matt:that qualifier should be applied to all activities performed during time-travel
Matt:I totally watched the Norman Conquest...
Matt:... TIME STYLE!
Matt:I'm changing that to just the Battle of Hastings
Matt:you probably wouldn't want to be away for that long
Matt:it probably smelled pretty bad
Matt:and you'd find out that all the buxom wenches were in fact diseased, toothless illiterates
Neil:yeah, and they'd be all hairy and disease ridden
Neil:and guitars
Neil:Bill and Ted style
Neil:hrm this is a little worrying... I contribute to a share purchase plan at work and it seems the money coming out of my pay cheque hasn't actually made it to the share account at any point. If I go to the web site I can't log in with my details. If I enter my username it sends me my username and password I then try to log in with those and it won't work...
Neil:so i phone them and the woman claims that my username isn't the one that the website tells me it is..
Neil:but she can't tell me over the phone so it's coming snail mail
Neil:it's even weirder... I phoned the automated voice unit there and it recognises that the shares are in my account. but the paper statement received last week doesn't have them included.
Neil:heads are going to roll

Update: Another snippet, this time from this very afternoon:

1:38:41 pm Matt:do you recycle?
1:39:02 pm Neil:Not in my flat, no.
1:39:27 pm Neil:They don't give recycling bins and such so it's too much hassle
1:40:09 pm Matt:unless, presumably, you were in fact Captain Planet
1:40:17 pm Matt:(he's a hero)
1:40:59 pm Neil:I heard something about him reducing pollution to zero.
1:41:06 pm Neil:which I think is essentially impossible.
1:41:09 pm Neil:He's all talk, no action.
1:41:57 pm Matt:and green hair too, as I recall. I've never trusted people with green hair. He needs to get a real job and perhaps contact his local representative to take his anti-pollution message through the proper channels.
1:43:05 pm Neil:I completely agree.
1:43:07 pm Neil:He's a menace.
1:43:30 pm Matt:he shall have to be dealt with
1:43:36 pm Neil:TIME STYLE
1:43:36 pm Matt:TIME STYLE
1:43:41 pm Neil:hah
1:43:53 pm Matt:that shows as the same second here
1:44:22 pm Neil:I think that's worthy of being added to your latest blog post
1:44:26 pm Neil:with timestamps for the last part
1:44:28 pm Matt:I agree